Devoveo
by C.S. Williams
Summary: Her first mistake had been sacrificing herself instead of me. Her second had been assuming he would be better off that way.


Title: Devoveo

Author: C.S. Williams

Pairings: Overtones of Sheyla (only because I felt the need to deal with it), but really Shweir; still, neither one is totally blatant, I don't think.

Spoilers: Little ones for Conversion and The Long Goodbye (so nothing past season 2)

Disclaimer: I do not own Stargate Atlantis. If I did, I would probably have the money to publish things like this on my own, instead of on the Internet...

Author's Note: This is my first attempt at fanfic writing in over two and a half years, but for some reason I felt the need to write it. Anyway, bear with me; I've also never gone specifically for drama/angst before...thanks for reading!

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Doctor Elizabeth Weir had been wrong. My loss might possibly have demoralized him temporarily, but hers completely destroyed him...

It had been a typical night in Atlantis. She and I had been discussing possibilities for further Athosian participation in the Ancestors' City, and she had been open to my suggestions, particularly to my people serving as guides on off-world trade missions. By the end, we had spent a rather enjoyable evening together. Eventually the conversation turned to more frivolous topics, and we found ourselves relaxing in the quiet, comfortable atmosphere of her office.

"—And then suddenly, this eighty-year-old Elder has his arm around Ronon's neck, and he is literally crushing the windpipe of a man who is at least a head and a half taller then he is!" I finished the story, my laughter at last escaping.

Dr. Weir laughed easily in return. "And he was just being friendly?"

"Yes," I managed through my laughter, "And Ronon kept trying to grab his gun, forgetting he had been ordered to leave it in the Puddle Jumper. He kept threatening the Elders, but since he could not speak, the threats came out as simply gasps; they are assumed he was laughing with them!"

Our laughter rang throughout the small office. Eventually regaining her composure, Dr. Weird inquired, "So, how _is_ Ronon settling in?" She leaned back in her chair, wrapping her hands around her coffee mug.

I considered the question carefully. "He is...Ronon. It is hard to tell."

She smiled wryly. "And here I thought he was just a naturally talkative fellow."

I smiled in return, thinking of something Dr. Heighmeyer had said once. "He is only compensating for his own insecurities, I am sure." This prompted a short laugh from my companion as my own smile widened. After a brief pause, I grew more serious. "He seems to be responding well to Colonel Sheppard's...unique style of leadership."

"Yes, John seems to prefer a more...relaxed command style, doesn't he?" Dr. Weir seemed amused. "I would have thought Ronon would appreciate a more structured chain of command."

"It surprised me as well," I admitted, "but he seems to enjoy it very much. He is even being civil to Dr. McKay."

"Whoa, civil to McKay?" she questioned teasingly. "That John certainly is a miracle worker." She paused again to take a sip of her coffee, and her face took on a more inquiring look. "Teyla, may I ask you a personal question?"

"Of course," I responded, surprised she felt she had to ask.

She seemed to hesitate even further before leaning forward again, perhaps unconsciously. "Are you and John-"

"What about John?" a voice from the doorway interrupted her. We glanced over, startled, to see John Sheppard himself leaning against the doorframe. His eyebrows were raised at Elizabeth expectantly.

Although momentarily stunned, she recovered quickly. "Spying on us, Colonel?"

"Just passing by when I heard my name mentioned," he replied, though it was clear by his position he had been standing there awhile. "When two beautiful women discuss a guy, he gets naturally curious."

She flushed slightly at the compliment, but if John noticed, he did not comment on it. "Worried?"

His smile became more of a smirk. "Why in the universe would I of all people need to be worried?" He flashed what was clearly intended to be a charming smile in her direction.

She and I rolled our eyes in unison at his behavior, before she grabbed her coffee and stood. "Yes, what a thought." She turned to me as she stepped from behind her desk. "I do hope we can continue our discussion later, Teyla. Thank you again for stopping by."

"Of course, Dr. Weir," I responded. "I enjoyed our meeting very much."

"As did I. Teyla, Colonel," she said with a brief nod at each of us. Just outside the door, she stopped and turned back toward me, eyes sparkling. "So the Kirk nickname really is quite accurate, isn't it?"

I saw John's eyes widen and realized what she was doing. Deciding to play along, though I had no idea who this supposed "Kirk" man was, I nodded. "But we shall have to finish later."

"Of course," she answered smoothly. "Good night." And with that, she glided toward the control room.

In shock, John watched her go before demanding of me, "What did you say?"

I allowed a small smile to play across my lips as I followed Dr. Weir's lead. "I believe there is an axiom in your Earth tongue regarding curiosity, Colonel, is there not?"

He seemed confused a moment, before landing upon it at last. "You mean 'curiosity killed the cat'?"

"Precisely. I shall see you tomorrow, Colonel." Ignoring his confusion and irritation, I moved past him to go to bed.

Halfway down the hall, it occurred to me that Dr. Weir had left in the middle of writing a report, and she had not even taken her laptop with her. It was very uncharacteristic of her to forget her work...

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"Ah, Dr. Weir," I greeted her as she finished descending the stairs from the control room. "You are ready?"

She smiled at me apologetically. "Yes, Teyla, sorry for the delay. On of the technicians-"

"It doesn't really matter much," John cut off her apology good-naturedly, "since a certain scientist who shall remain nameless-"

"Dr. McKay," supplied Ronon.

"-OK, less...name...less," resumed John after pausing awkwardly, "has yet to make his grand entrance."

"Shall we take bets on whose fault it is this time?" Elizabeth suggested amusedly.

"Dr. McKay's," responded Ronon without hesitation.

"I believe she meant who Rodney was going to blame for it," John clarified quickly.

Ronon considered this for a moment. "Ah. You mean Dr. Zelenka."

"Only 1 to 2 odds on that one, I'm afraid," Elizabeth said mock-seriously. "I'll take...Dr. Beckett." The remainder of the team stared at her in shock. McKay had never blamed Dr. Beckett before, and many hypothesized the doctor was the closest thing to a best friend McKay had. "What? You have to admit the odds are great."

"All right, you're the boss." After casting another dubious glance at Dr. Weir, John made his prediction. "Dr. Yakamura."

Dr. Weir pretended to consider this carefully. "Hmmm, I'll give you 3 to 1 on her. Teyla?"

Any serious attempts I had been making at disapproval had long since been abandoned. "I will take Dr. Kavanaugh."

"Ooooh, nice choice," said John approvingly as McKay at last appeared in the doorway, snapping on his vest. "So McKay, Yakamura giving you trouble again?"

McKay looked up, clearly distracted. "Hmmm? Yakamura? Haven't seen her all day; why do you ask?"

"No reason," answered John, cursing under his breath. "Forget our little mission?"

"Of course not," McKay huffed in annoyance. "Beckett-" At this, John cast an incredulous look at Elizabeth, who only smiled at him innocently, "-felt the need to use me as a lab rat yet again. Of course, I suppose I can understand his desire to use such a superior specimen-"

"Rodney," Dr. Weir interrupted. He stopped abruptly. "We're ready to go, then?"

John nodded, his glance at her turning vaguely suspicious in the face of her completely innocent expression. "Let's go."

As McKay, Ronon, and I moved toward the 'gate, I heard John fall into step with Dr. Weir behind me and ask, "How'd you know?"

I could almost feel her smile. "I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about, Colonel."

I saw her come up beside me and the four of us stepped through the portal, leaving John to follow.

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The rapport of the erupting gunfire pierced the air as I instinctively dropped to the ground. I could see John crouch behind a tree to my left, but I had lost sight of the rest of the team. John and I fired furiously at our unknown attackers, but it was clear we were not accomplishing much.

I saw John mutter something to himself before reaching for his radio. "All right, everybody back to the 'gate! That's an order!" He began to move in a crouch in the direction of the 'gate while still shooting, and I started to follow his lead when his radio crackled to life.

"John!" It was Elizabeth, and I watched John's face fill with alarm. "I'm pinned down in a cave with the Elders Council!"

I was catching up to him, so this time I was close enough to hear John's muttered curse. "All right, I'm coming to get you; stay put!"

"Don't worry, the shooting is a pretty good movement deterrent!" The radio clicked off, and I swiftly turned to John.

"Colonel, I will go."

He shook his head, frustrated. "No, it's too dangerous! Go back to the 'gate and dial Atlantis! Get everybody else out. Elizabeth and I will follow as soon as I've found her."

As he moved to return to the village, I laid a hand on his arm to stop him. "You do not even know where she is located?"

He turned and fired another salvo at the distant assailants, and I knew his answer. I continued. "I know the location of which she speaks. Return to Atlantis, Colonel." I looked into his worried eyes when he still hesitated. "I give you my word. I will bring her back."

He hesitated a half second more before nodding his head. "Go."

I inclined my head before running in the opposite direction, toward the cave where the village Council took refuge during Wraith attacks, since it was partially shielded from Wraith scanners. No doubt they had insisted on Dr. Weir accompanying them, despite the fact that this was clearly not a Wraith attack. The cave may have distracted Wraith who still had a food source in the non-Elder villagers, but these attackers were clearly not interested in such a course.

I came shortly to a hill overlooking the cave, and indeed, the cave was surrounded by a band of humans. They carried what appeared to be projectile weapons of some sort, and periodically the man who appeared to be their leader fired at the side of the cave. When he turned to issue an order to one of his men, I recognized his face. He was Genii.

I turned quickly to run to the village, hoping to use the tunnel entrance to the cave to extricate Dr. Weir. When I arrived, I realized there was only minimal guard coverage in most of the town; the Genii had rounded up the villagers in a central area, then relocated most of their forces to the cave and the 'gate. I slipped into the building which housed the trapdoor entrance and swiftly made my way to the cave.

"Teyla!" Dr. Weir was the first to see me. "How did you get here?" Suddenly her face morphed into a scowl. "Why are you here? I just ordered Colonel Sheppard to leave!"

He must have failed to relay the message, I mused to myself. "I entered from the village; the guard coverage is minimal there. Hurry, we must go quickly."

She looked at me slightly sadly. "I'm afraid that isn't an option. You see-"

Her explanation became unnecessary as the man outside the cave began to bellow. "Dr. Weir! We know you're in there! If you fail to come out in the next five minutes, I will order my men to open fire on the villagers."

"See?" she asked wryly. "I would say I have no choice. He's promised to let everyone else go if I leave with him."

I started to object. "There is no way to be certain he will remain true to his word. He may simply kill them anyway, and-"

"-And if he does so, it's only a matter of time before he comes to kill me anyway." Her decision had already been made, I realized. That was why she had ordered Colonel Sheppard to abandon her. "Stay here until you're sure everyone is safe. Then return to Atlantis and turn control over to Colonel Sheppard."

"Dr. Weir," I protested. When she did not even look at me, I tried again. "Elizabeth!"

Surprised, she finally glanced at me, and I continued while I still held her attention. "The man is Genii, but not Kolya. If I leave the cave in your place, he will believe me to be you. I will have a better chance to fight my way free."

She was shaking her head before I had even finished. "Even if he's never seen me, he could easily have seen a picture of me. Even if he has no idea what I look like, sooner or later he will report to Kolya, and he will realize you aren't me. At least if they're asking for me specifically, there's a chance they aren't interested in killing me. Not right away, at any rate."

"Four minutes, Dr. Weir!" the man yelled.

"Look," Dr. Weir continued almost wearily, "John is really the most important member of this expedition." Again, I began to protest, but she raised her hand to silence me. "I know, I'm the expedition leader, but John can take over the post easily."

"He will not be an effective leader if you are gone! Surely you must see that!" I interjected angrily.

She smiled slightly, still speaking calmly. "And if you die? John would never forgive me. I know how he feels about you, and I think you do too. Can you imagine him leading a team off-world without you? Or defending Atlantis from the Wraith? He would shut down. I've seen it before."

I considered her words. Time and time again, Colonel Sheppard had emphasized Elizabeth's importance on missions. However, as reluctant as I was to admit it, Colonel Sheppard was the only one who could use the weapons chair in Atlantis effectively, and while he could never replace Elizabeth as leader, others would respect him and follow his orders.

There was also the case of his feelings for me. I did not return them, but I knew they existed. The kiss when he was turning into the iratus bug. Thalen's words as I pointed the gun at John's head. _"He cares for you more than you know."_

"Three minutes!" The man appeared to be getting impatient.

"See? You know it's true. Without John, the expedition doesn't have much of a chance." Elizabeth continued to stare into my eyes, but I was unwilling to give up.

"And you do not believe he will be upset if you are gone?"

She looked away. "Maybe initially, but he'll recover eventually. Can you say the same about your loss?" She took a breath and returned her gaze to me. "Besides, we don't have much of a choice. They will kill you when they find out you're not me. I will not allow you to go out there. That's not open for debate."

I was still unconvinced. "I promised him I would bring you back."

She smiled softly. "He'll understand."

"Two minutes!" came the warning.

"I am not so sure..." I refused to yield.

"Regardless, we don't have any other options. Just tell him I ordered you back to Atlantis. You didn't have a choice." She started walking toward the entrance. "Tell everyone it's been an honor serving with them, especially John. And you, Teyla. Thank you for everything."

I found myself fighting back tears as I saw the resignation in her face. "And you as well, Doct—Elizabeth. We will find you."

Another wry smile. "Even if they just capture me...no. You are under no circumstances to come after me. But thank you for the thought. I won't risk anyone else."

She was almost at the entrance when she turned back again, reminding me forcefully of the night in her office. She wore the same teasing grin she had worn then. "And tell John I had an unfair advantage. Carson told me he would be keeping McKay from the mission for a couple minutes."

I nodded. "I will do so. Farewell, Dr. Weir."

She nodded in return. "Good bye, Teyla."

As the "one minute!" call came, Elizabeth stepped out into the sun.

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Two days later, we received a message from the renegade Genii. Doctor Elizabeth Weir had been tried for crimes against the Genii and sentenced to death. I could feel Colonel Sheppard's anger at me deepen. Contrary to Elizabeth's belief, he had not understood in the slightest, and his yells had echoed throughout Atlantis.

"How could you let her do that?" he had shouted. "Did I not make it clear that she was the priority on the mission? I expected better from you, Teyla!"

I had not responded, feeling the guilt rise once again. It was later that day that I first noticed it.

John assembled a rescue team in record time, going through the 'gate in less than five minutes despite my report of Elizabeth's orders. However, by the time the team had arrived on the planet, the Genii had vanished. John sent teams out to every known or suspected Genii base in the Pegasus galaxy, but when he received the Genii's message, he was forced to stop.

I saw it again when he heard the message. Rodney noticed it three days later when he found Colonel Sheppard punching the wall of Elizabeth's quarters until he broke his hand. Ronon noticed it when he subsequently had to hunt John down because he had left the infirmary to steal a jumper and rescue Elizabeth himself.

We all noticed it less than a day after that, when in another attempt to escape the infirmary, John fell unconscious just outside the door due to lack of sleep and food.

Everyone on Atlantis noticed it when he received the news of Elizabeth's replacement. Even Stargate Command must have noticed it, because their choice was not John.

"It" was a quiet desperation, the realization of his feelings too late. "It" was his decision to push everyone away. "It" was his burning desire for revenge. He was not the leader Atlantis needed, nor did he make any attempt to be. And I gradually came to realize the error in Doctor Weir's words.

Doctor Elizabeth Weir had been wrong. My loss might possibly have demoralized him temporarily, but hers completely destroyed him...


End file.
